Finding our place, successes and setbacks in the school system. Chapter 7, advocating for my son. Hi. My name is Denise. I have one son, Jared, who is now aged 22. He was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 15, and with ADHD at age five. He's also adopted, and we've had some struggles with reactive attachment disorder and anxiety.

Most of my struggles were trying to get Jared originally diagnosed. ADHD, anxiety, and RAD were the original diagnoses, but I knew there was something else going on. Around 12, we moved to a different state and the transition was substantial.

So I had to do a little advocating and teaching because they didn't know a lot about ADHD, much less autism. So after seeking some help through a pediatric neurologist, I finally got a diagnosis which brought back a diagnosis of autism. I was a teacher's assistant for a while with a program for autistic kids, but many of them had much higher accessibility needs, and so I wasn't really familiar with Asperger's. So when they gave me the autism diagnosis, I was like, surely he's not autistic, because he talks nonstop.

Junior high years. As he approached the junior high years, that's when some of the social issues became apparent, and I started reading everything I could get my hands on. He really didn't have friends and had trouble making new friends and getting to know people. He was very friendly, but because of the lack of social skills, and because he was different, a lot of times, kids shied away from him.

Academically, he was extremely bright. He read two or three grade levels ahead. He was pretty good in math, and so it was difficult for the school to understand him because he was so bright.

Some of the quirky behaviors they didn't understand because they'd always tell me, well, he's such a smart kid. I was constantly fighting for more training for the educators and the school system to understand that he learned differently. He understood things differently. He accepted things differently.

I went to the school a lot. I would communicate with all of his teachers regularly through email and texts. I have gone to different classes and sat in. I would tell them how to deal with some of his behaviors. Basically, I was an assistant teacher. I had to throw my whole life into advocating at the school for him because there was so little understanding of kids on the spectrum.

They were receptive of it, though. They went out of their way to give him smaller and shorter assignments, allowing him to take tests in a quiet, isolated area. Even when he took the ACT test, he was allowed to take it in four parts because it is a four-hour test, and that was just too long for him to sit and take a test. I was able to get so much done by just simply asking.

Other parents maybe didn't know the difference, and maybe they didn't know how to request for things. And I think I was kind of the first person they ever had to request some of the things that I did. The school was open to it, and they even identified some other children that could benefit from some of the things that I was telling them to try.

How I advocate. I think some parents just aren't super informed, or they may not want to take the time, or they think it's the school's job to do everything. A lot of children are falling by the wayside, and it's not fair. I think there should be required training every year for teachers for kids on the autism spectrum, ADHD, et cetera.

The training just isn't there for the teachers, and it isn't exactly their fault. Many of them have been out of school for quite a few years. Some of them don't have any kind of special education background. The problem is that there are no cookie cutter kids. Kids learn differently. Some are auditory learners, some learn visually, some are hands-on. I think that that's where the school system falls short in training their teachers.

I would suggest to other parents to get involved with the school personally. Talk to and personally know each of your child's teachers, because that's what I did. Especially when they start in junior high and start having different teachers for different subjects, it's important to know each one of the teachers.

I ask the teachers if they are familiar with or if they have had students with ADHD or Asperger's before. Most of the time, it's no. Although every once in a while, they will have a relation through a niece, nephew, grandchild, or something similar. Those teachers that are familiar with the spectrum or have a family member on the spectrum are the ones that are even more open to suggestions.

Sometimes, they've already been trying different things and look forward to suggestions from the parents. When teachers know you're interested and you're keeping up with your child, they are more than happy to help. Like I said earlier, we had IEP meetings every quarter, and I would email the teachers at the end of the week asking them how the week was, or if there were any particular problems that needed to be addressed.

A lot of times, they would beat me to the email and tell me what the week was like. This is what we did. These are some of the different things we tried. Things like that. So just stay in tune with what's going on with your child. It's a hard road sometimes, but with consistent action, it can be a lot easier.