Picky Eating-- The Stress of Picky Eating.

Growing up, I was an extremely picky eater. The list of things I ate was incredibly small. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day at school. And rice, beans, grilled chicken, mac and cheese, and chicken tenders at home. That's the entire list. I didn't even eat pizza until I was 12.

Today, I'm not a picky eater at all. I eat all sorts of foods. My friends say that I do like Mexican food as a hobby because I make my own tacos from scratch, including the tortillas. In fact, a little while ago, I made a giant feast for everybody for my birthday, which included a three-course dinner. It is with great relief and a ton of work that I am now willing to try new, interesting foods and be OK with traveling and eating whatever is prepared, within reason.

How did I make the leap from A to B? It's a rather simple three-step process. First, it involves building trust in food, second is learning how to cook, and third is removing pressure. As I did all three of these parts, I became a much less picky eater and was easily, effortlessly, open to trying new foods.

Building trust in food for yourself involves two specific subsets of that trust. Trust that the food will not overwhelm you, and trusting that it is safe. Trusting that the food wasn't going to overwhelm me was the biggest fear to overcome. Food is such a sensorily-rich activity with many different smells, flavors, sights, and textures. I was afraid that if I had something complex, it would overwhelm me and stress me out. I didn't want to have too much information coming in so I was reluctant to try new things.

And then, I was also afraid that the food wasn't safe. As in, was it non-poisonous and safe to eat? Was the milk expired? Was the chicken still good? Things like that.

In order to build trust that your food is both safe to eat and not overwhelming, you need to follow a recipe. Here it is. Trust is built through interaction. Meaning, you need to interact with the thing that you don't trust in order to build trust in it. And that interaction needs to have four ingredients.

The first is that your interactions with food need to be recurring. You need to interact with food more than once. Ideally, on an ongoing basis. That part is pretty darn easy seeing as you have a need to eat multiple times per day.

The second is that your interactions with new foods need to be intimate. Meaning that you can't have an anonymous, impersonal experience with them. There needs to be a very intimate, personable experience, which, again, is really easy with food because, by its very nature, you are literally making it a part of yourself.

So the first two are very easy and happen almost automatically. The next two, however, need to be focused on. The third is your interactions also need to be positive, meaning you come away from the experience saying OK, that was a positive experience. If you struggle and push yourself, you aren't going to have a positive experience. And you aren't going to build trust. So throughout this process, make it easy and pleasant. If it isn't easy or pleasant, take a break.

Fourth and finally, in order to build trust, your interactions need to be low risk. Poking a piece of celery if you've never tried celery is low risk. Eating a full kale and quinoa salad if you've never had kale, quinoa, or salad isn't low risk.

Once that is done, we're on to the second phase, which is all about learning how to cook without any pressure or expectation. That means that you let your curiosity drive. And you start by cooking foods that you are interested in without the pressure to eat them or have only that food for dinner.

You will make mistakes. Things will become completely inedible. It's part of the process. So have fun. And make food you'd want to eat with zero pressure to actually eat it.

When cooking food that you plan to eat for a meal, make sure you always have a backup plan. Remember, zero pressure. You don't even need to eat the food that you're cooking. All you need to do is have fun with it. Learn to cook to your comfort level, whether that's making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or making an entire Thanksgiving dinner. Learn to cook to your comfort level without any pressure at all and no stress.

So if something bad happens, hey, whatever, you order a pizza. Or you use one of the many food delivery apps out there these days.

By the way, one of my favorite ways to learn how to cook is by watching cooking shows on the Food Network because A, they're fun, and they're really entertaining. And B, you get to learn a lot about cooking. One of my favorite activities was to watch Cutthroat Kitchen, where you see four contestants do the craziest cooking things. The host, Alton Brown, will say things like, "We're going to take away all the knives and utensils and pots and pans you have and only give you aluminum foil to cook with. Good luck."

You see how these professional chefs manage to get out of these crazy situations and still make an amazing meal. And it builds trust in yourself because if they can create a delicious meal with only aluminum foil, you can create a delicious meal with actual tools.

What causes picky eating? So what causes someone to be a picky eater? Mainly, at least for me, it was a fear of overwhelm. When I was a picky eater, my number one fear was that I would be extremely overwhelmed by the sensations of food and I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I didn't trust in my body's ability to handle the taste or the corresponding panic that came after that. I needed to feel in control. And I didn't get that feeling when eating new foods.

Since food is so personal to everyone, it is very easy to use it as your means for control because you can just refuse to eat certain foods. That's why you see people go on hunger strikes, and that's why people are picky eaters, because it's very easy to exert control over that area of your life. Therefore, getting out of picky eating has two guiding rules. Don't overwhelm, and be in control.

I want to note here the difference between picky eating and a food preference. Picky eating is, do you like fish? No. Have you tried it? No. And a food preference is, do you like fish? Yeah, I tried tuna once. I just didn't care for it. I didn't like the taste of it.

The distinction is that it has nothing to do with the actual food itself. Picky eating is not about a like or a dislike of the food. It is about being scared and emotionally overwhelmed of what will happen if you eat the food. It's just another manifestation of defense mode.

So if the two guiding rules of getting out of picky eating are don't overwhelm and be in control, that means that you should practice cooking often, but be in control and start small with micro commitments. If the idea of doing Thanksgiving dinner is overwhelming, then you break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks.

If the idea of making a glorious sandwich is too much for you, make peanut butter and jelly. If the idea of even using any heat is too much, start by boiling water and making pasta, because that's a very good place to start. You don't need to play with the oven and high temperatures. Just, start small.

There is no rush. Don't overdo it. Don't overwhelm. In time, you'll find the utter joy in food, as I have.