Chapter 6, "The Relief of Receiving a Diagnosis." Hi. I'm Mariana, and I recently got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I live in Spain. I struggled a lot in university. The schoolwork and the social aspect especially were complicated and confusing.

Every couple of years, I ended up having to take a year off just to be able to recover from it all. During that time, I found myself looking online and found an autistic community. Little by little, I was more convinced that I must be on the spectrum.

So I started doing more research and asking my mom questions about my childhood and what I was like as a baby. She told me some things that made a lot of sense, like I couldn't be outside for too long when there were people around because I would start crying. After that, I took the diagnostic criteria from the DSM-5 with more examples that I was told from autistic people online. And I translated it to my mom.

When she read it, she started to get very emotional. She said, I can see you in everything here. You have every symptom. I continued to do research. And I decided that I wanted a diagnosis so I could get help for university.

I tried to go to a psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist wouldn't listen to me. When I brought up the possibility of being on the spectrum, he told me that I would never be diagnosed because I was an adult, and that was just not possible. It was really hard to hear that.

Around that time, I was starting an eight-week program with a hospital that was for suicide prevention, with a psychologist. I almost decided not to go because I was really sad. But I decided to go. I told her that I thought I might be on the autism spectrum, and she listened to me and held ASD into account in her sessions with me.

After the eight weeks, she decided that she wanted to keep treating me. And she was going to help me look for a diagnosis. She thought that I had it too. And there was a unit in the same hospital that could do the test for me.

After half a year or so, I finally got the appointment. I went in there for a couple of days. And they did hours of testing. Then I finally got my diagnosis. It was a moment when I felt so much relief because I finally had something that made sense about my life. I had an explanation.

From there, something amazing happened because during this time I was talking to my best friend about the diagnostic criteria, and she started looking for a diagnosis too. She actually got diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. It's funny because my best friend, the only person I've ever understood, the only person I've felt comfortable around, was on the spectrum too.

Taking the next steps.

Sensory sensitivity is an area where I struggle. Some situations are unavoidable because I have to take public transportation. And the whole ride is awful. There's so much noise, and the lights are so bright. At university, in the classes, half the time, I don't know what the teacher is saying because there's so much noise around. And I get distracted.

I think I've always been stressed in public places with people around me. My whole life, when there has been noise, it's been hard to deal with. Right now, I want to buy some headphones that have noise reduction so, hopefully, the outside world is not too much, like it normally is.

When I'm at home, it's easier because I can just go into my room, turn off all the lights, and be in a quiet environment that I feel safe in. When I'm outside, it's much more difficult. And normally, what I do is go hide in the bathroom or somewhere that's a little bit quieter.

I also recently started trying to not stop myself from stimming. All the repetitive movements helped me navigate the world and the overwhelm that I have. When I feel that the world is too much, I can just let myself stim, and that helps a little bit.

This year, I've been doing all the paperwork that I need to do to be able to have accommodations. I just signed up for university again and talked with the disability office. They were very nice and said that they will make sure they have everything I asked for.

I'm happy but also nervous because I'm afraid it might not work. It's the fear that maybe the teachers won't do the accommodation or something like that. But I'm still hopeful that it'll help. And things will be just a little bit easier so I can finally finish my degree.

I know I will probably still need to take years off. I've had to come to terms with that. I've always wanted to be independent and go around and work. And I realized that as things are right now, that's not really a possibility yet.

In the meantime, I need to keep working on my studies and my rhythm. I can't force myself to do it all in a very short amount of time, because that's just not possible for me and how my brain works. I'm hopeful that next year it will be better. And in a few years, I will have my degree, and I can start working in the things I love.

My advice to someone who is about to get diagnosed or has already been diagnosed would be that I know it's hard. It can sometimes seem like it might be too much. You might be scared, and that's OK. At first, it's going to be really hard. But when you allow yourself to understand you, you can start knowing new mechanisms to deal with things. At the end of the day, things will get better. You can do it.