Chapter 21, A Mom's Perspective. My name is Charlotte. I'm the mom of a 29, almost 30-year-old. His name is Isaac. He was diagnosed with ADHD at 4, and then at 6 with Asperger's, and after that, PDDNOS.

He has had all kinds of diagnosis, but he's on the spectrum somewhere. He definitely struggles socially, both with friendships and understanding a lot of the social norms that come with jobs. He's a college graduate and went to a school for kids with learning disabilities, predominantly ADHD. He got his four year degree there, but he didn't really have a lot of majors to choose from, so it didn't really prepare him for what he really wanted to do. So he's back in school doing a film degree now.

He's worked at a lot of places. Right out of school, he took up work at a couple of movie theaters. He's worked at Walt Disney World. He actually got the interview there all by himself. He was in Ohio shortly before that because he was doing drywall with his father's cousin, and he hated the sensory aspect of it. So he applied for the job while he was up there and ended up getting an interview.

When he was working at Disney, he was living on his own, trying to balance a bunch of life skills for the first time. He didn't drive, so he was reliant on public transportation. Lyft, Uber, et cetera. He just ended up being late one too many times and they let him go. Disney was his dream job. He was very disappointed. After that,

He came home and worked at three different movie theaters. He was terminated from each of those positions for different reasons. He tried being an usher somewhere else, but it was too overwhelming for him, so he quit. Not in the right way, but in he stopped showing up way. Then he worked at a grocery store as a bagger and the whole chain he worked for ended up closing, so that wasn't his fault.

Then he Home Goods. That's a job he quit. More recently, he got a job at Barnes Noble. He loved it, loved it, loved it. He worked there 10 months and never missed a day. He learned a lot of skills, but they ended up closing the whole store in February, so that was another disappointing end outside of his control.

After that, he got a job at an attorney's office, through a friend of mine, making copies. But he wanted to get into the hotel business because he wanted to move back to Orlando and work some kind of job near Disney or at Disney. So after a day at the attorney's office, he got a job at a hotel, being trained for the front desk. Prior to that, he had worked for six months as a bellhop, so he figured that it wouldn't be too different.

But after just a week and a half, they told him that they didn't think he had the right personality for the job. In gist, they wanted him to smile more, be more outgoing, and have better math skills. At a place like Barnes and Noble he adapted really quickly, because he was in heaven, and the training was longer.

With the hotel job, the parting of ways really caught him off guard, because the training was brief. He was trying to learn new systems, et cetera. I think he was focusing a lot on how not to screw up the job and probably hadn't wrapped his head around the front desk social aspect yet. He disclosed in the application that he had a learning disability and might need some extra training time. But I don't think hiring managers look at that they just think that the person's not a right fit.

He didn't get a chance to explain much. Either COVID hit at that time, so there were tons of furloughs anyway.

In the past, we've used vocational rehab with some coaching on the side, but it's usually been after the job is already gone or there's already an issue. So that's the struggle we continue to have.

Now we're doing CareerSource. He recognizes that he needs the support, but he struggles to self advocate on the job, and I can't swoop in like I used to do at school. He's definitely learning from his mistakes, but it's different mistakes at each job, each time.

One of the things we are really working on is the social aspect. He doesn't have a lot of friends his age and his best friend, his brother, moved to California two years ago, so work is kind of his social opportunity. And he occasionally gets in trouble for socializing too much and adhering to the norms of work culture.

His interest in film. Last summer he started a program in film production. He was working back then, so it's only part time. He focuses more on the writing aspect. He really likes the screenwriting class, but not so much the production.

It's an associate's degree at a reasonably priced local school, and he seems to like it. He knows so much about film. He is watching movies constantly and has written over 300 movie reviews. He even has a Facebook page called Small Sees Movies and he puts his reviews there, as well as in his blog.

He's a fantastic analytical writer because he pulls in all the directors and does all this neat stuff that I have no idea about. He's incredibly well versed in that world. I mentioned this earlier, but his brother was out in California working for Warner Brothers until he got laid off. He would love to do something like that. But he's going nowhere fast without an additional degree in that field, so that's what he's working on.

He's making progress in other areas of his life too. He drives now. He didn't originally drive until he was 26. It was a pretty big hurdle, having to take the bus and all of the planning involved in getting station to station by the right time. Before that, he was taking Lyft, and I would get the credit card bill. Oh my gosh. He still gets lost occasionally but that's what GPS is for. He is on SSI and SSDI now. He gets Medicare, and it's great knowing that he will be OK insurance-wise, even if he doesn't qualify for full time work. I want him to do what he enjoys doing and not be completely overwhelmed by the whole workplace. With some of those writing jobs, I look at copywriting because he'd be great at it, but even working for an ad agency, you have to be on your toes at all times, good with other people, and very organized. He needs to ease into some of those skill sets beforehand. I almost want to start a company for him or something. That way, he can thrive and do what he loves to do.

Advice for others. My advice for other moms who are just starting this adventure, and might be scared or anxious, would be to let them know that their kid can do it. It's really important to take into account and to really consider that there is often an emotional maturity gap. Isaac is going to be 30, but he's not.

I am often readjusting my thinking because I would say that there is a 10 year gap in emotional maturing. He's getting there, but I see a 21-year-old just getting out of school, and that's OK. His skill set, how he sees the world, and his confidence level are just much younger. I don't know if it is 10 years for everybody, but I would imagine that there will be a little bit of lag for most.

Being aware of that, I think as soon as you can, get job experiences, internship experiences, or just generally work experience. It's really important, especially if you're on the spectrum. My son used to volunteer at the library and then he graduated high school and went to college. During that time, he lost more than four years of work experience. And I think he really regrets that. Even simple volunteer work would have been great for furthering work ethic and understanding.

A huge advantage of that is that you can't get fired from a volunteer job. You can get asked to not come back, but it won't affect your resume. Any volunteer work that people on the spectrum can do, is something that I would highly recommend. It's also a great way to understand workplace rules and get a feel of what you would like and what you don't like, career-wise.

I also think that if there are any local groups that your child can connect with, socially, that would be helpful too. To this day, he still has a couple of friends from a theater group that he joined, and they are on the spectrum as well. One of them works both as an actor and musical theater, as well as a waiter. He tends to struggle a bit.

The other one got married to someone on the spectrum as well, and she runs circles around him, socially. Not in a bad way, just that she is very social and funny, where he is extremely quiet. So there is definitely a contrast there.

It really goes to show that no two autistic people are the same. If you've met one person on the spectrum, then you have met one person on the spectrum. Lastly, I would highly advise utilizing government programs if you can. We fought to get vocational rehab and even had to appeal. But in the end, we got it. They helped pay for his college, which was fantastic. Not all outside assistance is equally wonderful, but it is always certainly helpful not to have to do it alone.